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Unpacking the 'Not Like Other Girls' Phenomenon
The "not like other girls" trope goes by many names, each reflecting a different facet of how it manifests in literature, movies, and society. While it may be disguised under various labels, at its core, it often signifies a female character striving to distinguish herself from other women, typically to gain the approval of men. This phenomenon can take on many forms, including the 'pick me' and the 'cool girl,' ‘quirky girl’ ‘manic-pixie dream girl’. (Jess from New Girl).
From Bella Swan of the Twilight series to Disney’s female main characters, in romantic comedies; the ‘not like other girls (NLOG)’ trope has been popular in young adult fiction for years. This trope often presents female characters who are ‘unique’ and ‘special’ and different from other girls around them.
How to know you are not like other girls?
You are laid back. You are not sensitive or needy. You like sports and video games as opposed to shopping like all the other girls.
You eat an entire pizza on a date as opposed to other girls who order a salad. You are ‘one of the boys’- you can’t have female friends (they are too much drama).
You are not ‘high maintenance’. You don’t wear make-up. You Read books!! You obviously hate pink and can always be found wearing sweatpants.
In the words of Gillian Flynn author of ‘Gone Girl’:
A cool girl is a woman who jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size two.
In essence, the "not like other girls" trope is a multifaceted phenomenon with different names and guises, yet it shares a common thread - the pressure on women to be something they're not in pursuit of male attention. Understanding these various labels can help us deconstruct how harmful stereotypes about women persist in our culture and media, and how we can challenge them.
Embracing the 'Not Like Other Girls' Persona.
Note; I cringed so hard when I wrote this paragraph 😬
As a young girl growing up on a steady diet of Disney films and Wattpad stories, I couldn't help but notice how female characters were often categorized into two distinct, stereotypical boxes: the pink-loving, makeup-enthusiast who was portrayed as somewhat dim, and the "not like other girls" (NLOG) character, who, though refreshingly unique, was often depicted as unconventional, but brilliant. The most embarrassing part; I loved it when people(mostly boys LOL) complimented me and said I was NLOGs.
By the time I was in high school, I adopted this phrase into my personality. And unsurprisingly, almost every woman I know had this phase in their life. I began to distance myself from traditionally feminine interests and behaviours, aligning more with the NLOG archetype and the idea that being different was 'cool.' 😎 I love pink, but I did not want to admit it because I feared seeming girly or weak. The plus side is I started watching Formula One to reinforce my NLOG status, and I ended up loving it and getting into it. 🏎️
My journey through media and its influence on my self-perception highlights the impact of media on our understanding of women's roles.
The Problem
In recent feminist writings and Reddit subthreads, a critical lens has been applied to the 'not like other girls' trope, revealing an unsettling undercurrent - the presence of internalized misogyny. While on the surface, the trope may appear to empower women who refuse to conform to traditional gender norms, it often carries a hidden message.
By portraying women who embrace femininity as unattractive or inferior, the trope unintentionally creates an atmosphere where internalized misogyny can flourish. It suggests that being "like other girls," having stereotypically feminine traits, is something to avoid or feel embarrassed about. To spell it out for you ‘You’re not like other girls’ is not a compliment. If a compliment explicitly states that someone is desirable simply because they are different from everyone else, doesn’t that suggest that everyone else is inferior to them?
This subtle suggestion not only devalues traditional femininity but also creates conflict among women, continuing divisions and reinforcing harmful gender stereotypes. A further example:
In "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." Our main character, Andie Anderson, concocts a scheme to chase away a potential boyfriend within, you guessed it, ten days. To do so, she pretends to be the exact opposite of what she believes men want. She behaves in an exaggeratedly sensitive and emotional manner, surrounds herself with stuffed toys and pink blankets, and tries to communicate; you know typical girly things.
And when does Ben fall in love with her? When she begins to eat sandwiches, drink from the bottle, and demonstrates a keen interest in sports. Essentially, she transitions from a portrayal of a stereotypical woman to what some might label as the ‘cool girl’. Not Like Other Girls.
The portrayal of this storyline significantly influences societal perceptions of a woman's ideal archetype. It can lead many women to think that rejecting traditionally female characteristics, or even distancing themselves from their gender entirely, somehow positions them in a superior light. This, in turn, contributes to the reinforcement of particular gender stereotypes that suggest 'femininity' in its more conventional form is insignificant. Such stereotypes label traditionally feminine women as superficial or lacking depth, often using terms like 'basic' to describe them.
Final Thoughts
As I reflect on my journey through media, from Disney female characters to the diverse world of Wattpad fanfiction, I can't help but recognize the profound impact that portrayals of women have on our self-perception. It's evident that the "not like other girls" trope, in its various forms, has played a significant role in shaping the way women view themselves and each other.
It's important to understand that this thing isn't only found in one place or on one platform; it's everywhere. In movies, TV shows, books, and even the stories we tell ourselves, the 'not like other girls' idea shows just how much these stereotypes are a part of our culture.
As we conclude this chapter, it becomes clear that there is a growing movement to challenge these stereotypes, to celebrate the beauty in diversity, and to fully embrace femininity in all its forms. It is a confident call to shift our perspective, recognizing that there is no one definitive way to be a woman.
Instead of criticizing, we should celebrate our differences. By doing so, we can transcend harmful portrayals and break free from the limitations of the 'not like other girls' cliché. Ultimately, it is not about being similar or dissimilar to others; it is about embracing your authentic self in a world that should wholeheartedly celebrate every aspect of femininity.
If you're looking for TV shows and books that portray a diverse range of femininity;
Get ready for our upcoming mid-week article 'TIDBITS' where we'll be serving up a delectable feast for book and TV show enthusiasts. We've handpicked a selection of captivating reads and binge-worthy series that celebrate the diverse and authentic experiences of women. Whether you're a bookworm or a couch potato, our recommendations are sure to leave you craving for more. Stay tuned for your mid-week dose of inspiration and entertainment!